Zion National Park, Utah.
Success Leaves Clues
I am not a relationship expert by any means, but I did spend 16 years in wine hospitality which put me in direct contact with literally thousands of couples over the years. I was not only able to observe these couples as a passive bystander, which was education enough, but also actively engaged with them throughout their winery visit.
Needless to say I learned a lot.
Somewhere along the way I got in the habit of, anytime I’d encounter guests that were celebrating a multi-decade anniversary, asking what’s been their secret for making the relationship last so long. I must have asked at least 100 couples this question over the years and eventually some really distinct trends began to emerge.
While this wasn’t necessarily the first answer given, it was the one that most couples mentioned at some point throughout their response. It still makes me smile thinking back to how, almost every single time this answer was shared, it was done so with an ironic laugh, side-eye, or a playful eyeroll directed at their spouse. The top answer, time and time again, was ‘patience with one another.’ It might not be the most fun or sexy answer, but I certainly found it to be the most common.
Another response that I heard often was that they had fun together. They not only shared common interests and had a similar sense of humor, but they sincerely enjoyed being in one another’s company. Like, they actually looked forward to spending time together, not simply tolerated it as something they felt obligated to do. It was a highlight for them.
Unsurprisingly, “clear communication” was another common answer. Couple after couple expressed how vital it was for their relationship when their wants, likes, dislikes, needs, fears, emotions, insecurities, weaknesses, etc. were not only expressed but understood and, most importantly, respected.
The last one I’ll share, which I think is beautiful in its simplicity, is that many couples stated that they continually chose the other person. Not just on their wedding day. Everyday. Amid all the options, distractions and temptations that life can throw our way, they simply kept choosing that person over and over again.
I've learned that success leaves clues and that we don't need to reinvent the wheel with everything we do. Sometimes all we need is to pay attention to where others have found success and then model our behavior after theirs.
"Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you." —Walter Winchell
