Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado.
Seeds of Doubt
I stayed with my parents over the holidays and while I was there something strange started happening to me. When I’d stand up after sitting or lying down, I’d get lightheaded and need to hold onto something for a few seconds to let it pass. I sort of laughed it off at first, just figuring it was a rush of blood to the head, but after it happened a few times both of my parents expressed concern that it was unusual and shouldn’t be ignored. In my typical nonchalant fashion I decided that I’d give it a few days to see if it improved. Well, the following morning it was even worse, so I went to see the doctor.
They ran a bunch of tests and everything came back normal, except for one thing—there was an oddity in my EKG results. It does not appear to be related to my dizziness, but the EKG showed that there's a slight 'intraventricular conduction delay' (IVCD) in my heart; which is (if I’m understanding it correctly), a portion of my heart beating a little bit later than the rest. Mine is so slight that my doctor wasn’t concerned, but we agreed to schedule further testing just in case.
It sounds like IVCD is actually quite common and is often benign, but even so, tiny little seeds of doubt have been planted in my mind—sort of like hearing the slightest new sound coming from your car engine. It’s probably nothing… but…
Even though I expect further testing to show that my heart is healthy and strong, my mind can’t help but play out the worst case scenario. What if there actually is a larger issue lurking beneath the surface? What if my heart isn’t as strong as I thought? My life is full of high-heartrate activities, and for anything to alter that would be devastating, to say the least.
I’m not writing this as a “keep me in your prayers” sort of plea. I’m not really worried, this is just a new experience for me. I’ve never had to question my body before. At times I’ve questioned my physical fitness or muscular strength with certain activities, but I have never questioned my body’s fundamental infrastructure—I’ve never considered that it might just… stop working.
Don’t worry, even though my mind is metabolizing this information in its own way, it’s not my style to get all worked up and fearful. I know it’s likely nothing at all and I’m choosing to operate under that premise until I learn otherwise. Just another dip in the rollercoaster of life.
“There cannot be ups in a roller-coaster ride unless there are downs.” –Siddharth Katragadda
P.S. I'm really proud of this photo. If you love it as much as I do, it (and many others) are available in my print shop.
