The Problem and the Solution
A few nights ago, as I was falling asleep, I felt something poking into my neck. I assumed it was the tip of a feather sticking out from the down pillow I was laying on, so I fluffed the pillow and laid back down. But as I did, I felt it start poking my neck again. I tried shifting the pillow, flipping the pillow, even replacing the pillow with another, but every time I lowered my weight back down something started poking me. What the heck! Confused, I reached up to scratch the irritated part of my neck and that’s when I found a burr stuck to me, one of those small, round, spiky things that stick to clothing like Velcro. It is not uncommon for my sweet dog to inadvertently bring hazards like this into my bed. I assume the burr was on my pillow and when I laid down it clung to my neck. So each time I’d sit up to adjust the pillow it remained stuck to my neck, only causing discomfort when I lowered my weight back down against the pillow.
But I found a lesson in this. I realized that no amount of fluffing, shifting, flipping or swapping of the pillow could have fixed my discomfort. Because the issue wasn’t with the pillow, it was with me. And it made me think, how often do we as humans do this? How often do we desperately try to change our external circumstances—our jobs, locations, relationships and friendships—hoping to alleviate pain, discomfort or insecurity? How often do we look for something, or someone to blame for our discomfort, without understanding what’s causing the issue in the first place? And how many of these tiny, proverbial burrs do we have stuck to us, that only become uncomfortable when a little weight is applied?
This experience reminded me of a few things: that I can be both the problem and the solution. That a bit of curiosity and a long, hard look in the mirror should be my first reactions. And that sometimes, a tiny little change can make a huge difference.
"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."
-Albert Ellis
